My boyfriend has children, I have children, and I am going crazy!?

Blending a family is not easy, and the two of you have a lot of kids at some difficult ages to try and blend together. Teen years aren't easy, and if divorce is part of either set of kids backgrounds is just one issue that can be very difficult. Also, many children are testing the limits of their parents, their new partners and new potential siblings in thier lives. First off, the primary displinarian for each set of kids should be that kids parent(s). You two need to come to ground rules on discipline for all the kids and each parent needs to be on board, but for you to discipline his son or argue with his father on how he disciplines has already set you up as the bad cop and the negative one with the son and his other kids. It is not your job to discipline his kids, nor is it his to discipline yours. Both sets of kids will resent the other person innvolved. It is unfair of you to criticize his style of discipline, some argue that leads to more violent children. You may disagree and may not like the critique...and your boyfriend probably feels the same. Now a 15 year old may be older, but many boys are years younger emotionally. Having a family meeting(s) to discuss boundaries, social expectations (realistic), family chores, would help immensely. They may drag their feet, but when people know what is expected out of them and what is okay and not okay and enforcing the rules, lovingly, starts to bring some order to the home. Now some of the kids or maybe all, may have issues to work out and single, or even later, group conseling may be a possiblity...why would a 15 year old need to hoard trash...has he never been expected to help out with chores, has his parents always picked up after him? Or is this a way to rebel against the changes going on in this new home situation? The 13 year old, is an additional problem in a household that is already in turmoil. Why does he want to live with dad now...is it because he doesn't like the rules where he is staying presently, and hopes by moving he can continue on with this present behaviors? Or does need some counseling and more structure so he isn't running wild, this too needs to be worked on with his dad and the mother or guardian the child has now...but if the child is in a bad place, he needs out. But if your boyfriend really is turning out to be someone who is not innvolved in raising and displining his kids, why are you exposing your kids to him? This many kids, and problems can be a recipe for diaster. Good Luck with every thing.